May 13, 2024

Finding the Beauty in Breakups, Divorce & Your Next Chapter S7

Finding the Beauty in Breakups and Divorce

One of the biggest relationship challenges you may face in life is learning how to process emotions and move on from a breakup or divorce. Breakups are painful and eye-opening, yet, they can also be extremely transformational and freeing. They effortlessly challenge who you think you are and who you have been in life, and who you have been in relation to another person. 

For some, the amount of vulnerability and grief that comes from a breakup may cause you to avoid love and connection to focus more on yourself and shut out the possibility of ever experiencing disappointment ever again. For others, a breakup becomes an opportunity to grow and become more resilient with relationships, even if you continue to create the same pattern of pain over and over again.

Regardless of how you receive the breakup experience, the goal is to find beauty in the breakup. When you find beauty in the breakup, you will be open to receive the lessons, forgiveness and purpose the relationship served. Your heart will remain open and available to love and commitment, again. 

At the very least, you will be able to enter your single season with a high level of worthiness and peace that adds value to those you may encounter instead of draining energy leaving behind a trail of broken hearts.

finding beauty in the breakup, divorce andyour next chapter

In this episode we discuss what steps you need to take to find the beauty in a breakup and move into your next chapter.

Why breakups happen

When you experience a breakup it’s natural to question why did the relationship have to end? You may question your desirability, the sincerity of the other person, or even spiral into past experiences and self-blame. Why can’t you simply can’t get it right? If any of this sounds like you right now, all of this is normal and okay.

It’s important to note that breakups are normal and common. It’s a part of your journey in relationships and does not make you a failure. There was simply something you needed from the relationship that wasn’t being provided and was no longer aligned. It was time for you to grow.

Yet, staying in a space of questioning, anger, frustration or resentment will only prolong the positive outcomes and the possibility of reconnection in the future, if it is meant to occur.

You must break down the breakup into a very simple explanation so that your brain and heart can make peace with the breakup instead of ruminating over the pain you are undoubtedly feeling; there was misalignment within the relationship.

When you and your ex came together, the alignment and attraction between you two matched. Your energies may have flowed effortlessly and there seemed to be an organic attraction between you both that allowed the relationship to work.

Somewhere along the line the attraction and energy between you two became misaligned. Whether there was a misalignment in the direction and vision of where the relationship was headed or negative factors and influences such as lies, betrayal, communication breakdown, neediness or avoidance, the relationship went from high energy attraction to low vibrational. 

This misalignment is what initially caused the relationship to break. Once this happens, without actual relationship shifts, inner work, and consistency the relationship becomes draining. It becomes very difficult to get the relationship back on track. You are both stuck in your own energetic worlds, seeing the relationship from your own truths and personal lens. Eventually a breakup feels like the only answer.

A breakup may feel like abandonment. And in some cases a breakup may have occurred due to actual abandonment. Yet, if you can shift your lens to viewing the breakup as necessary then you can be honest and vulnerable with yourself that you were also not as happy or felt aligned with the relationship, at the time, and breaking up truly was the best solution for you to become who you need to become in order to have your actual vision of love.

Some couples will find their way back to one another one day when the time and energy attraction is right, if that is their fate. But, don’t hold out for this. If you are meant to reconnect it will happen naturally. Until then, you should move forward with stepping into your next chapter.

However, for other couples a breakup truly is the end of the road and the catalyst for the next chapter and lessons required for their bigger life picture. Being open and curious to accepting this possibility, forgiving yourself for any mistakes as well as forgiving the other person will free your heart to love and free to to evolve into your next chapter.

Finding the Gift

When working with clients through a breakup one of the first steps is to find the gifts provided from the relationship. You will find the gifts by asking yourself what did this person come to teach you?

Here’s the thing, people are sent to show you aspects of yourself that you need to grow for the relationship that’s waiting for you. This new, deeper level of self-awareness, healing and self-worth are the lessons needed for the next chapter of life. These lessons are gifts.

If you look back at your past dating and courtship experiences you will find the gifts you received and how they prepared you for where you were headed in love. If you struggle to find gifts and fully embrace past relationships, you will find yourself in repeated cycles, avoidance or feel low self worth.

Sometimes the gifts are simple and easy to receive. Other times you will go through difficult tests or painful heartbreak in order to get to the clarity needed to uncover the gifts you received. 

Yet, if it took a difficult experience for you to receive the gifts, it’s not because you are being punished or undeserving of the relationship you desire. You simply need to go through the experience to elevate your expectations and self worth to align with the actual relationship you want and deserve. 

This could mean a new relationship or this could mean a new version of the old relationship that was no longer serving you.

The key is to know that all gifts are good. 

The gifts you received are to guide you back to who you are at your core and your true relationship desires so that you are aligned with the right relationship for you. Gifts, guide you to elevate your expectations, have bolder boundaries and unshakeable self-worth so that you get back on your throne and step into your captivating life.

This is why learning to have gratitude and excitement for receiving them allows you to step into your worth and move forward with grace, and open heart to receive your next gift and chapter.

The more gratitude you feel the easier it will become for you to grow and keep your heart open to the relationship you want without feeling regret or resentment. 

You cannot be open to receive the relationship you want while remaining guarded with fear, resentment or shame. Fear and resentment is the opposite of love and gratitude. They cannot exist in the same space at the same time.

Some examples of gifts you may have received in the form of lessons, tests, or benefits:

  • Healing – A person may have come to you to mirror your wounds, shadows, and triggers so that you realize you must heal and rebuild your trust muscle so that you reconnect with your intuition.
  • Worthiness – A person may have come to you to show you where you have been shrinking or settling and seeking external validation so that you can reconnect with your authentic value and own your worth.
  • Communication – A person may have come to you to show you how to become a better communicator to prepare you for your future partner.
  • Connection – A person may have come to you to show you it’s safe to connect and open your heart without fear of abandonment or anxiously attaching. 

Your next chapter

Moving into your next level can feel scary yet extremely necessary. With the right steps and tools you can have an easy to follow process to shift you into your next chapter. The breakup workshop provides a path to healing and transformation to help you find the gifts from the relationship, realign your value, and elevate expectations while keeping an open heart and your next chapter.

  • Beliefs – Dig deep into your beliefs around relationships and yourself. Where did your views on relationships come from? What do you struggle to believe you are worthy of in love? When you dive deep into your subconscious beliefs you can find what’s been holding you back and helped cause the misalignment. By owning these beliefs you now have the opportunity to challenge them and replace them with new beliefs that will align with the relationship you actually want. If you need help with this you can book a 15 minute consultation.
  • Value Alignment – Once you are clear on your beliefs and have dug deep into emotional and self worth blocks, the next step is to realign with your value. In the Breakup workshop we take you through an exercise to help you gain clarity and insight on the gaps between who you desire to be and the misalignment with how you are showing up in the world. First, you want to create a small list of your most authentic and important values. Then you need to close the gap. When you close the gap you will naturally elevate your self worth and prepare for the relationship and life you deserve.
  • Captivating LifeNow it’s time to step into your captivating life. This next chapter should be more aligned with your values and in practice of new beliefs that align with the love and relationship you deserve. You don’t have to make major leaps today. Small lifestyle shifts that align with your values, self-care, and new beliefs will ultimately create the path to growth and position for the relationship ahead. We suggest focusing on who you want to become in the next three to six months and elevate your worthiness to step into that version of you.
  • Alignment loop Lastly, the alignment loop. This is where you revisit the breakup path over and over to continue to elevate into new chapters and into the version of yourself that’s aligned and ready for love. Healing is not linear. Growth is a process. You may find yourself falling into old patterns, losing focus, or slowing down with your captivating life. You may even realize there are still beliefs to dive back into or values to better align with as you are discovering your next version of self and the next chapter. All of which are okay. Give yourself grace and compassion.

Once you have completed these steps and feel ready for your next relationship you will want to visit the workshops for your specific Love Loop patterns so that during the dating and courtship process you are continuing to stay aligned and work on the most key factors for your relationship archetype that will break old patterns and create a better outcome for love.

Aligning with your vision of love and transforming your patterns

You can heal from a breakup, transform relationship patterns and align with your vision of love. Captivating Courtship has proven tools to help you no matter where you are in your journey of love.

Love Loop Guidance CallThis 60 minute 1:1 video call will provide you with clarity on your current dating and relationship blindspots, what exactly is holding you back and what specific steps you need to take to stop repeating courtship experiences according to your Love Loop relationship pattern. You will have time to ask questions about your patterns and unique circumstances so that you walk away with guidance and a clear vision of the best actions to take right now.
The Loop Membership – Our do-it-yourself transformational membership portal filled with transformational workshop pathways for your specific Love Loop relationship patterns. You will learn key steps to navigate dating and  courtship for your specific Love Loop, breakups, burnout, and situationships using our proven processes.
The Captivating Courtship Code – Our signature coaching community with step-by-step guidance to help you transform relationship patterns, navigate courtship and attract your vision of love using our practical and proven 6 step process.
Relationship Pattern AcceleratorThe 12 week private coaching accelerator that provides a customized approach to transforming your Love Loop relationship patterns. Dive deep into your subconscious blindspots and align with your vision of love with personalized attention and insight.

 

meet the host

Relationship coach, author, creator of the Captivating Courtship Code

I’m passionate about improving the state of women’s relationships because a happy, healthy, loved and valued woman not only transforms her love life but has the power and impact to transform her family tree for generations to come. 

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