October 9, 2023

From anxiously attached to trusting the Courtship Process and Letting Go of Control S6E47

From anxiously attached to trusting the Courtship Process and Letting Go of Control

Attracting love when you emotionally attach quickly can make navigating the courtship process challenging. As badly as you may want to enjoy courtship and see where the relationship will go, once you are excited and develop feelings for a man, anxious overthinking takes over, and you may find yourself thinking of the man nonstop, over anticipating the future, and fearfully thinking about the possibility of disappointment.

Before you know it, you are sending paragraphs of texts or chasing a man in an attempt to seek validation and security about where the relationship is headed. Even if a man really likes you, needy behavior and overthinking will push him away and cause you to feel even more emotionally reactive and fearful of getting hurt.

You may react by running from the relationship or you may find yourself leaning in and stirring arguments to gain clarity about the man’s intention. Any of these things will cause more friction and for the trust and bond in the relationship to slowly fade. 

It’s not that you are wrong for wanting clarity and to know a man’s intentions. You have the right to know where your life is headed. 

Yet, how you communicate and connect when you are feeling anxiously attached to a potential partner can make or break the relationship and future commitment. This is a form of sabotage and a pattern that’s keeping you from the love and life you deserve.

Not only that, but when your anxious attachment kicks in you become blind to red flags, ignore what’s actually going well, and you may even lose focus on other things in your life that need and require your valuable attention.

You don’t need to ask every friend in your phone book for their perspective about your budding relationship. And you don’t need to run from the discomfort of letting go and letting the relationship unfold.

Instead, what you need to do is learn how to navigate the courtship process so that you have a clear understanding of where you are on the path to commitment and how to manage your relationship patterns and emotions so you stop repeating past mistakes and so that you can finally open your heart to receiving a healthy relationship that will lead to commitment.

Captivating Courtship provides coaching and a proven pathway to love that will bring ease and clarity to attract a healthy committed partner.


Letting Go When Anxiously Attached

Learning to let go and surrender so you can stop trying to control the courtship process requires inner healing and spiritual growth.

When you are desperately outcome focused during dating and courtship, it becomes easy to push a man away in pursuit of seeking validation and security. Although it’s perfectly okay to want clarity on a relationship, it’s even more important that you are clear on the courtship process. The more deeply connected you are to your authentic value and clear on the 5 step courtship process, you will make the best relationship decisions for you. This way you will be fully in your authenticity and power and free to let go and surrender.

When you attempt to control the courtship process, you will stir conflict and drama unintentionally. The fear of repeating past mistakes and relationship patterns will cause repeat cycles every time you get close to a man. It will seem as though taking one step forward towards commitment sets you three steps back. This courtship loop feels exhausting and eventually will harden your heart and discourage you from finding the love you deserve.

Instead, you must focus on your inner world and heal your relationship patterns and heart so you feel confident, safe, and certain when attracting love. 

Embracing courtship while also on your healing journey will strengthen your trust muscle and allow your intuition to know the difference between your thoughts reacting to past trauma and disappointments, or if you are simply experiencing a normal and natural part of building a healthy, intimate relationship that could lead to lasting commitment.


FREE Relationship Patterns Mini-Course

The Commitment Bridge when you anxiously attach

One of the biggest challenges for clients who are anxiously attached is crossing the commitment bridge to a secure relationship. Once the initial six weeks of courtship passes, continuing building the relationship and moving towards potential commitment can feel like a stressful waiting period, especially if you are courting what’s considered a warm guy. 

This waiting period can last up to the ninety day mark, or even as long as six months of courting, depending on the circumstance. If you are anxiously attached, fighting old relationship patterns or applying pressure to rush the courtship process is typically where sabotage takes place and budding relationships break.

Mistakes you may be making on the bridge to commitment:

  • Anxiously leaning in to get clarity and security about where the relationship is headed
  • Constantly questioning and worried about how serious he is and if you are wasting time
  • Reacting to your thoughts and need for validation and security causing drama and conflict
  • Rushing the courtship process and no longer qualifying him for commitment
  • No longer prioritizing your captivating Life and aligning with your value
  • Ignoring your own Love Loop patterns and closing off your feminine energy connection afraid of disappointment and rejection

All of these things will decrease attraction and break the commitment bridge prematurely.

How to cross the commitment bridge when you are anxiously attached:

  • Get clear and confident about the courtship process to know what to expect, when to expect it so that you decrease anxiety and allow the relationship to naturally progress
  • Focus on your own inner healing so you transform your patterns and trust your intuition to help make the best relationship decisions for you.
  • Prioritize managing your emotions manage emotions and allowing your feminine essence to lead as your super power for attraction
  • Amplify your Captivating Life and align with your authentic value

You can stop repeating past mistakes and allow anxious over thinking to push love away.

With inner healing and a proven step-by-step process you can attract a healthy relationship.

At Captivating Courtship we provide programs, coaching, and VIP experiences to help anxiously attached high achieving women heal relationship patterns, embody your feminine essence, and navigate the courtship process to attract love and commitment.

To learn more about how Captivating Courtship can help you, book a FREE consultation. You will walk away clear on your love life, the next 3 steps to attract the love you deserve, and how we can provide you with a proven process and guidance to make it happen. Click here to book your consultation today.


You may also want to read: Love Loops 101: Uncovering Relationship Patterns 

Links mentioned in this episode:

Free Love Loops Mini Course:


Apply to The Captivating Courtship Code coaching:


Find Your Path to Love:


Questions? Send Zara a DM on Instagram ⁠@zarajcaptivatingcourtship.com

meet the host

Relationship coach, author, creator of the Captivating Courtship Code

I’m passionate about improving the state of women’s relationships because a happy, healthy, loved and valued woman not only transforms her love life but has the power and impact to transform her family tree for generations to come. 

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