July 31, 2023

Love Loops 101: Uncovering Relationship Patterns S6E40

Love Loops 101: Uncovering Relationship Patterns

If you have been single for years or find yourself experiencing the same types of relationships, men, or courtship and dating experiences you may be in a Love Loop. Love Loops are the signature 8 sabotaging relationship patterns that makes it difficult to build a happy, healthy relationship that leads to long-term commitment or marriage.

Each of the 8 Love Loops have different experiences, beliefs, feelings, and actions that keeps them in the loop. Some are more difficult to break than others. Yet, they all can make courtship and dating hard, disappointing, and disempowering.

By knowing your Love Loops and how to break them you can learn to navigate the dating and courtship process with confidence, clarity, and intention so that you can manifest the life and relationship you desire.

The Science Behind Relationship Patterns: How Our Brains Influence Our Choices

Have you ever wondered why certain relationship patterns seem to repeat in your life, even if you want something different? The answer is within your brain, which plays a fascinating role in shaping the way you perceive, initiate, and maintain relationships. In this blog, we’ll delve into the science behind relationship patterns, how your brains influence the choices you make in your romantic life, the 8 Love Loops, and how to break them.

The Role of Neurochemistry

Your brain is an intricate network of neurotransmitters, hormones, and neural pathways that influence your emotions and behaviors. When you experience positive interactions or feelings of love and affection, your brain releases chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin, associated with pleasure and bonding. These neurochemicals create a sense of reward and reinforce positive relationship patterns.

On the other hand, negative experiences trigger stress hormones like cortisol, which can lead to defensive behaviors, impacting the way you approach relationships. Understanding the role of neurochemistry empowers you to recognize how our brains respond to various relationship experiences and how it shapes your future choices.

Patterns of Familiarity

The human brain seeks familiarity and predictability as a survival mechanism. This can extend to our relationship choices, leading you to be attracted to men who exhibit traits or behaviors similar to those you encountered in your childhood caregivers. While seeking familiarity can be comforting, it may also create negative patterns if early experiences were unhealthy.

By acknowledging this tendency, you can become more mindful of your preferences and challenge yourself to seek out partners who promote growth and emotional well-being.

Neural Plasticity and Change

The brain’s ability to adapt and change, known as neuroplasticity, offers the opportunity for breaking free from negative relationship patterns. Through intentional efforts, you can rewire your brain and cultivate healthier relationship choices. By consistently practicing new ways of thinking and responding to relationship challenges, you can strengthen positive neural pathways and transform those associated with sabotaging patterns.

Identifying and Overcoming Sabotaging Relationship Patterns

The path to healthier relationships begins with self-awareness and the willingness to change. This means the first step in overcoming sabotaging relationship patterns is to recognize them. By acknowledging these patterns and understanding their impact on your relationships, you gain the power to take charge and actually change them.

Relationship patterns often have roots in past experiences, traumas, or unaddressed emotional baggage. Childhood experiences, attachment styles, and past relationship dynamics influence your dating experiences. When you become curious and explore the root causes of your patterns with empathy and openness, you will gain insights into your actions and reactions, enabling you to break free from sabotaging patterns and create healthier connections.


In this episode, we discuss the 8 Love Loops with a brief breakdown of each of the different relationship patterns. We also dive into how Love Loops are formed, why you need to break them, and the 6 key steps of the Captivating Courtship Code that will help you break them faster.

Uncovering the 8 Love Loops

When I decided to leave the matchmaking industry and transition to coaching, I already had the 6 step Captivating Courtship Code process figured out. It was a collection of data and results already collected from my years of matchmaking, that filled in the gaps and misinformation that most of my clients lacked about the courtship process that would lead to meeting and marrying their future spouse.

However, I didn’t discover the 8 Love Loops until months into my coaching journey. One morning after prayer it became immensely clear that there were archetypes I worked with as a matchmaker, along with my own personal journey and the challenges of those I personally knew.

I ran to the computer to get this epiphany out of my head and list the patterns. The end result was 8 looping patterns that led to frustration, bitterness, anger and disappointment during the dating and courtship process.

The 8 Love Loops:

Trophy Chaser – Anxious achievers, low self worth & Difficulty keeping boundaries

Avoider – Avoids commitment and connection from fear of emotional intimacy

Adapter – Negativity and fear of getting hurt by living through others’ experiences

Toxic – Shrinks and settles for disrespect out of fear of abandonment

Sexual – Holds guilt and shame around using sex for power and validation

LoveME – Self-sacrificing nurturers who don’t require wants and needs to get met

Too Good – Avoids commitment out of fear of failure and desire for perfection

Invulnerable Vixen – Lacks emotional connection & has transactional relationships

What also became crystal clear was that by simply knowing your patterns and having a clear process to break them while navigating courtship, you can easily transform your experiences and attract the relationship you desire.

The 8 Love Loops have been the basis for how I have helped my clients understand themselves on a deeper level, heal from past hurts, and step into their worthiness. If you want to attract a healthy relationship that can lead to marriage, knowing your patterns, breaking them, and having an actual courtship process is the best and fastest way to make it happen.

FREE Love Loops Masterclass

4 Vital Reasons to Break Relationship Patterns

  1. Personal Growth: Breaking patterns requires self-awareness and introspection. By identifying the recurring themes in your relationships, you gain insight into your emotional triggers and vulnerabilities. This self-discovery paves the way for personal growth, helping you become less anxious and emotionally reactive so that you become more resilient, empathetic, and understanding.
  2. Breaking the Cycle: Unhealthy relationship patterns can be passed down from generation to generation. By breaking these patterns, you not only improve your own life but also create a positive impact on future generations. 
  3. Enhanced Communication: Relationship patterns often include communication styles that may backfire and sabotage a relationship. By addressing these patterns, you can develop healthier ways of expressing yourself, leading to improved communication and deeper connections.
  4. Increased Self-Esteem: Continuously engaging in toxic relationship patterns will take a toll on your self-esteem. Breaking these patterns allows you to set healthy boundaries, prioritize your well-being, and cultivate a stronger sense of self-worth.

How to Stop Repeating Relationship Patterns: A Step-by-Step Guide

Contrary to what many may think, you don’t have to spend years healing from past disappointments in order to transform your relationship patterns before enjoying the dating and courtship process so you can attract a healthy relationship. What you need is a step-by-step proven process, like the one we provide for you with the Captivating Courtship Code. 

With the Captivating Courtship Code, you will accelerate your love life by using new, healthy courtship experiences to heal your patterns. This way, your brain builds the evidence, confidence, and trust needed to feel secure and make better relationship decisions that leads to happy, healthy long-term commitment.

Our signature Captivating Courtship Code process:

  1. Wounds – Heal your past wounds so that you can learn to trust and feel secure in relationships. 
  2. Worth – Connect with your authenticity and elevate your self-worth so that you attract the best, most aligned relationship. 
  3. Match – Meet potential matches with a simple to follow 3 step process to increase your pool of compatible options.
  4. Courtship – Follow our easy to follow 5 step courtship to commitment process.
  1. Connect – Learn how to communicate without fear of rejection and attachment so that you create vulnerable heartfelt connections that deepens trust and inspires commitment.
  2. Commit – Understand the bridge to commitment and how to cross it so that you have commitment conversations that moves the relationship forward instead of backfiring breakups.

Your brain is a powerful instrument that shapes the way you experience and engage in relationships. By being aware of how your brain influences your preferences and responses, you can take proactive steps to break free from negative patterns and foster more fulfilling, loving relationships.

Remember, change is possible, and with knowledge, self-compassion, and determination, you can create healthier relationship patterns that enrich your life and lead you to more profound emotional connections. Embrace the science, embrace the change, and watch your relationship patterns evolve for the better.


Links mentioned in this episode:

Love Loops Masterclass


Worthy Monthly Membership


The Captivating Courtship Code coaching

meet the host

Relationship coach, author, creator of the Captivating Courtship Code

I’m passionate about improving the state of women’s relationships because a happy, healthy, loved and valued woman not only transforms her love life but has the power and impact to transform her family tree for generations to come. 

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