June 17, 2024

Sexual Love Loop relationship pattern 101 S7E24

Sexual Love Loop relationship pattern 101 

The Sexual Love Loop relationship pattern has an anxious attachment style and is a pattern type that oftentimes uses sexual attraction and desirability as a way to leverage power and validation during the dating and courtship process. While this may seem common for some, the guilt, shame and abandonment cycle that someone with the Sexual Love Loop experiences post encounter is what makes this a painful self-sabotaging relationship pattern.

Those with the Sexual Love Loop tend to lack boundaries around their sexuality. When they’re in need of validation or a partner creates space, a Sexual will use sexual energy and tactics to gain attention, closeness and approval with hopes of feeling secure. This is due to an abandonment wound. Somewhere along life they learned that their physical or sexuality is what makes them loveable.

However, because the Sexul Love Loop outsources their power through sexual engagements (sexual intercourse, texting, pictures, etc.) the feeling of validation gained from the exchange is often short-lived, resulting in feelings of shame or guilt shortly after. A Sexual is likely to abandon partners they do not feel emotionally secure or attached to, or, they are likely to be abandoned by those they are dating. 

This abandonment cycle due to a lack of boundaries creates more shame and guilt around sexual behaviors and a lack of trust with oneself. They no longer trust themselves to set boundaries and respect their own value and worthiness of love and commitment. These low feelings cause them to feel unworthy, seek a new or past partner for validation, experience difficulty setting boundaries, engage in sexual acts and the cycle of shame and guilt starts again.

The internal conflict caused by this hot-cold relationship cycle is exhausting and can lead to many short-lived relationships or toxic relationship attraction.

Top 7 Sexual Love Loop qualities:

  • Low self worth
  • Seeks validation through sexual attention and experiences
  • Leverages power with sexual attraction 
  • Struggles with shame and guilt due to sexual past
  • Settles for low value treatment and expectations
  • Lacks trust with self and ability to uphold values and boundaries
  • Anxiously spirals with fear of abandonment after sexual encounters

In this blog you will learn the basics of the Adapter Love Loop relationship pattern and some practical steps to have more successful relationships.

Additional Blogs and Podcasts You May like:

Wounded Sexual Love Loop

Love Loops 101

Trophy Chaser Love Loop Testimonial: Owning Your Unique Fairytale to Marriage

Sexual Love Loop relationship pattern 101


In this episode you will learn the basics of the Sexual Love Loop relationship pattern.

“How do I trust myself to create a real connection and commitment beyond sexual attraction?”

A question you may ask yourself if you have the Sexual Love Loop relationship pattern is, “How do I trust myself to create a real connection and commitment beyond sexual attraction?” Which is a valid question and concern since your Love Loop not only struggles to maintain safety both mentally and emotionally during the dating and courtship process, there’s a major physical component that you must learn to manage.

The challenge someone with the Sexual Love Loop must overcome is being okay with rejection and understanding that your vision of love and long-term goals is more valuable and valid than short-term pleasure or approval. You must look deep within and own your desire for love and commitment in a relationship that feels secure.

This means you must slow down and allow relationships to build organically and resist the urge of connecting through your sexuality in hopes it will keep the relationship close. This has not been proven to work for you. What will work instead, is you learning your authentic value, developing high self-worth and becoming comfortable navigating life alone until you meet someone who wants the same relationship and lifestyle you desire.

The more you do this the more you will learn to trust yourself to set boundaries and honor your values and goals. You will naturally attract better quality relationships, emotional intimacy, and feel confident to commit and resist your need for sexual validation.


Setting Boundaries Around Sexuality with an Anxious Attachment Style: Why It Matters and How to Do It

If you have the Sexual Love Loop and an anxious attachment style, establishing healthy boundaries around sexuality is crucial for fostering emotional safety and building fulfilling relationships. The intense need for closeness and fear of abandonment that characterizes this attachment style can make it challenging to navigate sexual relationships without losing a sense of self. Here’s why setting boundaries is important and how to effectively do it.

Why Setting Boundaries is Important

  1. Emotional Safety: Boundaries create a safe space where both partners can express their needs and desires without fear of judgment or rejection. This safety is essential for those with an anxious attachment style, as it helps reduce anxiety and the fear of abandonment.
  2. Self-Respect and Empowerment: Clear boundaries around sexuality reinforce self-respect and empowerment. They ensure that sexual interactions are consensual and comfortable, helping individuals maintain their dignity and self-worth.
  3. Healthy Relationship Dynamics: Boundaries prevent the development of unhealthy dynamics, such as codependency or enmeshment. They promote mutual respect and understanding, fostering a balanced and supportive relationship.

How to Set Boundaries

  1. Know Your Needs and Limits: Reflect on what you are comfortable with and what makes you uncomfortable. Understanding your needs and limits is the first step in establishing clear boundaries. Take time to explore your feelings about intimacy and communicate these openly with your partner.
  2. Communicate Clearly and Early: Have honest conversations with your partner about your boundaries early in the relationship. Use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs without blaming or accusing. For example, “I feel more comfortable when we take things slowly” or “I need to feel emotionally connected before becoming physically intimate.”
  3. Be Consistent and Assertive: Consistency is key in maintaining boundaries. Be assertive in reinforcing your limits and don’t be afraid to repeat them if necessary. If a boundary is crossed, address it promptly and clearly, explaining why it’s important to you and what you need moving forward.
  4. Respect Your Partner’s Boundaries: Just as you need your boundaries respected, be mindful and respectful of your partner’s boundaries as well. A healthy relationship involves mutual respect and understanding.
  5. Seek Support if Needed: If you find it difficult to set or maintain boundaries, consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor. They can provide guidance and strategies tailored to your unique needs and attachment style.

Setting boundaries around sexuality is vital to ensure emotional safety, self-respect, and healthy relationship dynamics. By knowing your needs, communicating clearly, being consistent, and respecting your partner’s boundaries, you can create a supportive and nurturing environment for intimacy to flourish. Remember, seeking support can also be a valuable resource in navigating these challenges effectively.

3 Shifts to transform the Sexual Love Loop relationship pattern:

The number one priority for clients with the Sexual Love Loop relationship pattern is learning to set boundaries so they can strengthen their trust muscle and feel confident they can have the commitment and love they deserve. A great way to begin setting boundaries with yourself around your sexuality is learning to create systems when triggered so that you don’t seek outside validation or approval. A great way to do this for those with the Sexual Love Loop is learning to channel your sexual energy into creative endeavors such as art, dance, business or other projects.

Here are 3 tips to get started:

  • 1. Engage in Shadow Work: Delve into your unconscious to uncover and heal past traumas and fears that shape your anxious-avoidant attachment style. This self-discovery enhances self-awareness and emotional integration, helping you recognize and manage your attachment triggers.
  • 2. Embracing Your Authentic Value: Understanding your authentic value and maintaining high self-worth are crucial for attracting a healthy, committed relationship. These qualities foster mutual respect, emotional stability, and open communication, preventing codependency and promoting positive, balanced dynamics. High self-worth enables you to set boundaries, express your true needs, and attract compatible partners who appreciate and reciprocate your value. This foundation supports continuous personal growth and ensures that love is given and received freely, enhancing the overall quality and longevity of the relationship.
  • 3. Create a Fulfilling Lifestyle: Pursue passions, build a strong support network, prioritize self-care, and commit to personal growth. A fulfilling and joyful lifestyle boosts your confidence and emotional stability, making you more likely to attract and maintain a healthy, nurturing relationship.

Transforming the Sexual Love Loop relationship patterns

Sometimes, transforming your relationship patterns requires guidance. The Captivating Courtship Code is a community that shows you how to attract more quality partners, navigate the dating and courtship process, and attract commitment using our proven 6 step process that’s helped our clients attract love and marriage.


meet the host

Relationship coach, author, creator of the Captivating Courtship Code

I’m passionate about improving the state of women’s relationships because a happy, healthy, loved and valued woman not only transforms her love life but has the power and impact to transform her family tree for generations to come. 

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