June 5, 2023

Why humility does not serve successful women during dating and courtship S6E31

Humility in your spirit is a beautiful virtue to have but it can make you shrink in your courtship process in a way that is unhealthy for both your partner and most importantly, you. Take a deep dive into this episode to know why humility does not serve successful women during dating and courtship.

It has never been safe for a woman, especially women of color to be seen and heard. We grow with generational trauma and triggers that severely impact our understanding and expression of our most authentic selves. It is not unexpected then, that we develop the idea that we have to shrink ourselves in order to be loved, valued, and respected. If we don’t, we fear that there will be rejection and abandonment.


Many women are what we would call, modern traditionalists. Women who have worked hard to create a completely modern life but the values they hold are traditional. In that case, a traditional or an anti-traditional man can again force us to shrink our boundaries, needs, and wants. If we don’t, there comes the fear of rejection again.


However, although this may come across as contradictory, the truth is you can have both – balancing modernity and traditional values. Navigating the complexities of courtship can be challenging but the real problem is not external. It is the self-doubt, the insecurity of being too successful and still not being enough, it is the disbelief in the ability to have a fulfilling relationship. This happens because we place our value in external things like our home-making skills or our sex appeal or mostly, our accomplishments.


The solution to this? Setting boundaries in courtship and embracing your most, authentic self, placing your value in your growth. The end goal here is overcoming self-doubt in dating, and owning your value in courtship because if you don’t, humility can keep you in a loop of compromise. Inner-work for successful women isn’t easy as you must challenge the beliefs that come up and question your worthiness, making you want to hold back and shrink but this reprogramming of how you show up in a relationship is the most important takeaway from today’s episode. Listen now!



Time stamps for this episode:


00:00 – Introduction

1:33 – On Lifestyle Shifting

11:18 – Storytime!

15:55 – Is it okay to not be heard?

17:08 – Generational impacts of trauma

19:03 – Wanting to be enough

19:22 – Modern traditionalist in relationships

21:55 – Trophy partners and the problem with looking at them as a prize

24:48 – The reason why humility does not serve successful women in dating and courtship

26:58 – Problem 1: Self-doubt and insecurity in your own worth and value

Problem 2: Fear of rejection and abandonment

30:35 – The solution to these two problems

32:00 – Embracing Your Authentic Self in Courtship

33:30 – Honoring and enforcing your boundaries

35:42 – Reclaiming Your Worth: Ending the Cycle of Settling for Less in Relationships

36:53 – The changes you will notice once you start the inner-work

37:47- 5 Tips for Cultivating Self-Worth: Building Confidence to Pursue a Fulfilling Courtship

37:53 – 1. Identify & challenge limiting beliefs

39:32 – 2. Create new routines

40:30 – 3. Work on building effective communication skills

41:45 – 4. Practicing sharing and communicating with a community of women

47:17 – 5. Prioritizing and Investing in personal development and growth

49:00 – Accelerating your courtship process

49:41 – Humility – the virtue that can become a vice

50:00 – Conclusion



Links Mentioned in This Episode:


Attract Your Match Game Plan Call



Apply to the Captivating Courtship Code 2.0 Coaching Program



Queen of Courtship Assessment



Questions? Send Zara a DM on Instagram




meet the host

Relationship coach, author, creator of the Captivating Courtship Code

I’m passionate about improving the state of women’s relationships because a happy, healthy, loved and valued woman not only transforms her love life but has the power and impact to transform her family tree for generations to come. 

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