Humility in your spirit is a beautiful virtue to have but it can make you shrink in your courtship process in a way that is unhealthy for both your partner and most importantly, you. Take a deep dive into this episode to know why humility does not serve successful women during dating and courtship.
It has never been safe for a woman, especially women of color to be seen and heard. We grow with generational trauma and triggers that severely impact our understanding and expression of our most authentic selves. It is not unexpected then, that we develop the idea that we have to shrink ourselves in order to be loved, valued, and respected. If we don’t, we fear that there will be rejection and abandonment.
Many women are what we would call, modern traditionalists. Women who have worked hard to create a completely modern life but the values they hold are traditional. In that case, a traditional or an anti-traditional man can again force us to shrink our boundaries, needs, and wants. If we don’t, there comes the fear of rejection again.
However, although this may come across as contradictory, the truth is you can have both – balancing modernity and traditional values. Navigating the complexities of courtship can be challenging but the real problem is not external. It is the self-doubt, the insecurity of being too successful and still not being enough, it is the disbelief in the ability to have a fulfilling relationship. This happens because we place our value in external things like our home-making skills or our sex appeal or mostly, our accomplishments.
The solution to this? Setting boundaries in courtship and embracing your most, authentic self, placing your value in your growth. The end goal here is overcoming self-doubt in dating, and owning your value in courtship because if you don’t, humility can keep you in a loop of compromise. Inner-work for successful women isn’t easy as you must challenge the beliefs that come up and question your worthiness, making you want to hold back and shrink but this reprogramming of how you show up in a relationship is the most important takeaway from today’s episode. Listen now!
Time stamps for this episode:
00:00 – Introduction
1:33 – On Lifestyle Shifting
11:18 – Storytime!
15:55 – Is it okay to not be heard?
17:08 – Generational impacts of trauma
19:03 – Wanting to be enough
19:22 – Modern traditionalist in relationships
21:55 – Trophy partners and the problem with looking at them as a prize
24:48 – The reason why humility does not serve successful women in dating and courtship
26:58 – Problem 1: Self-doubt and insecurity in your own worth and value
Problem 2: Fear of rejection and abandonment
30:35 – The solution to these two problems
32:00 – Embracing Your Authentic Self in Courtship
33:30 – Honoring and enforcing your boundaries
35:42 – Reclaiming Your Worth: Ending the Cycle of Settling for Less in Relationships
36:53 – The changes you will notice once you start the inner-work
37:47- 5 Tips for Cultivating Self-Worth: Building Confidence to Pursue a Fulfilling Courtship
37:53 – 1. Identify & challenge limiting beliefs
39:32 – 2. Create new routines
40:30 – 3. Work on building effective communication skills
41:45 – 4. Practicing sharing and communicating with a community of women
47:17 – 5. Prioritizing and Investing in personal development and growth
49:00 – Accelerating your courtship process
49:41 – Humility – the virtue that can become a vice
50:00 – Conclusion
Links Mentioned in This Episode:
Attract Your Match Game Plan Call
Apply to the Captivating Courtship Code 2.0 Coaching Program
Queen of Courtship Assessment
Questions? Send Zara a DM on Instagram